I have been inconsistently watching dramas here and there (specifically, House of Harmony and Vengeance and Master of Play), but do not follow them or like them enough to have much to say. This explains (justify?) the lack of updates.
So, what else is a girl to do? Go to a comfort drama, of course! I’ve revisited The Hippocratic Crush (still the best TVB drama of 2012 in my not-so-humble opinion) to pass time. Then, it hit me that I’ve mentioned very little about the famous letters Fan Zi Yu (Tavia Yeung) wrote to Cheung Yat Kin (Kenneth Ma). Zi Yu’s letters play such an important role in the development of the YuTau romance (which means Fish-Head, Yu = fish, Tau = Head). The letters essentially proved to Yat Kin that their relationship can work even if he (and she) cannot invest a lot of time into love. Due to the fact that they initially did get off on the wrong foot, it was also the perfect and straight-forward way for them to get to know each other better. So, here they are:
A while ago, due to picking a specialization subject, I was always insomniac and couldn’t sleep well. As a result, today, I made a mistake that a basic trainee shouldn’t make. This morning while checking in on the rooms, Doctor Chin suddenly asked me to present to the Boss, coincidentally, today is grand round, out of the blue, there were more than twenty pairs of eyes on me. After presenting, the Boss only said one sentence to me: “You need to go back and study harder.” Wow, at the moment I saw a trashcan labeled “Medical Waste” beside me; I really wanted to jump into it. I am conflicted whether to tell you something this embarrassing but I want you to get to know me better. I believe relationships are not built on time, but built on understanding of each other.
This patient has constrictive pericarditis, his condition is unstable, we’ve already done several surgeries on him, but those help him very little yet this patient never gave up. He is still hopeful about surviving. Everyone sees life with different expectations, some for themselves some to please others, but there would never be anyone to guarantee, when will these expectation be satisfied. Just like this patient, he has been going in and out of the hospital several times, what kind of expectation does he carry with him into the hospital every time? If expectations do not come true, then do we hold on?
And when it does come true, indeed we would be excited, even if it’s a small wish but when it comes true, life immediately becomes full of hope again. However, expectation is sometimes very intangible yet it is our emotional support, like oxygen. Our bodies need oxygen to survive and our hearts need expectation so that we have the energy to live on.
Everyone wants their own expectation to be satisfied but things aren’t always how we want, sometimes, the larger the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. Contrary, without hope, there wouldn’t be unnecessary pain.
Perhaps hope will bring pain but it is because we have hope, no matter how painful, we can make it through. So no matter how much we are afraid of disappointment, afraid of pain, we cannot lose hope.
Playwright Shakespeare once wrote, “The miserable have no other medicine but only hope”. I especially think that when you are in despair, hope is like a song that can soothe pain. If our expectations are met, of course it’s something of happiness but at times, our expectations will go against other people’s expectations, it’s inevitable to make sacrifices. Abandoning either of the expectations comes with a price. But aside from yourself, no one can tell you how to choose. Some expectations are not of your concern, you won’t understand why some people can sacrifice life to chase after fruitless expectations, but if you feel with your heart, you will realize that every expectations, be it heavy or light, is worth respecting. Yet, no matter if expectations bring you comfort, happiness, or sorrow, to have expectations and to be expected of is a blissful thing, because we are still living. No matter how many expectations fizzle, we can still have new expectations until the last minute of our lives.
Sometimes I feel lost, what is the responsibility of a doctor? Doctors must continuously save lives every day but if death is the consequence nobody can escape, then is there any meaning to everything doctors do?
Bearing the identity as a doctor, one must carry the responsibility to save people. Doctors must fight against the Death God to rescue lives. Every battle won and every life saved, I would feel very happy, proud that my medical knowledge can help others. But the more I’ve worked the more I question, is medical knowledge just to rescue lives? Technology continues to improve which extend patients’ process to death, extending their pain. At the end, a lot of patients are not saved. Then as doctors, how to we face these situations?
Referring a mother that confronted Zi Yu and despaired about her son’s illness and impending death…
At this moment, I question whether I am a professional, as a doctor I must face numerous deaths every day. A lot of people think we are used to them, numbed by them but actually, we are scared of facing failure and we don’t know how to face it. After failure, we must bear the despair at the end. Those who have to bear the pain of losing love ones are the family members but witnessing them cry, our hearts do not feel any better than they do. So what is the goal of doctors?
I’ve attended many weddings before and listened to many wedding vows. Previously, I only notice whether the Groom or Bride would stutter, whether they would nervously say their names incorrectly, very scarcely do I consider the content of the vows. But today is the first time I seriously listened to the vow; I’ve never realized “for better or for worse” have such a meaning.
Every person hopes to live every day happily with the one they love, but nobody ever actually consider whether they are ready to share all of their other half’s problems. I think I am really lucky, because I know you are ready.